*Trigger warning: Baby health and weight issues (happy ending). I added this heads up because my own story still triggers me a bit.

God created Hollis to be the firstborn in our family in 2021 (Psalm 139:13-16). After a textbook pregnancy and birth, she appeared to be a healthy, chunky baby. However, because of the brokenness in the world and in our own bodies, she was labeled ‘failure to thrive’ by 7 weeks old and underwent open-heart surgery at 5 months old. This is how we got here. 

God planted an unsteadiness about my daughter’s health from the beginning. During the hospital stay after birth, she lost more weight than most babies. A nurse in the postpartum unit even took Hollis for a breathing evaluation after noticing something odd, but she came back with a good report. On top of this, my milk was not coming in very well, so I had a lactation appointment at 4 days postpartum. 

This was a difficult first week of motherhood. But He used these things to put me on alert. And when most of my research about caring for a baby had to be thrown out during the dark weeks ahead, God came near. His Word lit a path for me to walk down, or rather, for me to be carried down.

By Hollis’s one month check-up she had gained some weight, but definitely not a normal amount. Oddly, I was told “she looks perfect!” I expressed my doubts. They said I could bring Hollis in for a weight check in a couple of weeks if that would make me feel better. 

It would make me feel better, so at 7 weeks old I brought her back in. For context, healthy babies gain roughly an ounce every day for the first few months, so she should’ve gained about a pound in the time that had passed. Which is a lot when considering an 8lb baby. So I put her on the scale. 

I pause here because my pulse has notably changed and I feel my heart in my chest while writing this. There are a few pain points for me in this story, and this next part is the first. 

Hollis had not gained any weight.

My face took on fear, shame, and frustration all at once. I am doing everything I know to do, like to a postpartum-anxiety level. I am trying so hard to feed this baby and be a good mom! I should’ve done more! I should’ve known! Am I missing something? We found out by the end of that day. 

God kept Hollis alive. Of course, He keeps each of us alive and our days are numbered (Acts 17:24-25). But it felt more intentional here.

Once the nurse saw that Hollis hadn’t gained weight, she called in the doctor. God gave our pediatrician the ability to hear the heart murmur for the first time. It had not been audible up to this point. Some babies have murmurs that are benign, but this was unlikely with her symptoms. 

He ordered an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart) at the hospital. We got that done and anxiously waited until the phone rang that night.

Hollis has two holes in her heart. 

One is insignificant. The other is significant: a large Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD). Within the week, her symptom list grew:

• very underweight (not even on the growth chart anymore)
• labeled ‘failure to thrive’
• vomiting
• chronic cough
• poor appetite
• too tired to eat well
• wheezing
• mild & occasional labored breathing 
• enlarged heart

Quick anatomy lesson–A VSD is a hole in the wall (the septum) between the two lower chambers of the heart (the ventricles). This causes oxygenated and deoxygenated blood to cross over and mix. It puts a lot of extra work on the heart and the lungs to do their job. Her dysfunctioning heart made her more tired–more calories burned. Being tired made her unable to eat well–less calories in. Not a great cycle. 

We started the day with a weight check and no answers, and ended the day with a significant heart defect diagnosis and more questions.

That postpartum nurse at the hospital was on to something after all. 

This was a shock. We had no idea there was something wrong with her at all until that day. It was a relief in a strange way. Having an answer. God was with us–He said He would not leave us behind when life gets hard (Psalm 23:4). We are promised that life will be hard, not that life will be easy (John 16:33, 1 Peter 4:12-13).

Between all of this, Hollis was happy when she was happy and mad when she was mad. We endured lots of screaming and crying. But she also smiled and cooed and looked up at us with her huge blue eyes. She was adorable, interested in the world, and such a delight.

Over the next 2 months, a lot happened. We got a cardiologist. We made feeding changes. She started to gain some weight (any amount was hard-fought). She was on three daily medications. She had an appointment with her cardiologist every other week an hour away. This doctor would do an echocardiogram (echo) and an electrocardiogram (EKG) each visit. We talked about feeding and supplementing and symptoms and medication and weight and next steps. God was kind to us through the staff there–they were compassionate and thorough. The cardiologist took time to pray over us and even said a special blessing over Hollis with his hand on her head.

At these appointments, the cardiologist monitored the size and effects of the VSD to determine our next steps. Here were the possibilities:

• The VSD closes or becomes insignificant by itself. No intervention needed.
• The VSD gets small enough to do a less invasive procedure when she’s older.
• The VSD does not change. She will have surgery.

By the end of these appointments, she was 4 months old and weighed less than the average baby at 4 weeks old. Unfortunately, but all in God’s control, the VSD was unchanging and so were her symptoms. 

Her doctor referred us to another cardiologist at UAB Hospital. He got to the point: Hollis needs surgery.

God in His mercy gave us peace and not panic. Still it was a pill to swallow. The doctor said to expect a call for the surgery date, but it would be in the next couple months. Right then I had an overwhelming sense that it would be on my birthday. It was more of a knowing than a suspicion. A few days later, the scheduler called: my birthday. 

This felt like a nod from God that He’s communicating with me and He is coming with us into this thing. He was not afraid. He is not afraid. In fact, He’s the One in control. 

I’m not sure when is a good time to mention this, which is fitting for what I’m about to say, but I still was working my part-time job at this point. And it just so happened I was coordinating a ministry beach retreat for 100 college students taking place the same weekend as Hollis’s surgery. So every minute of the next 5 weeks was completely filled to the brim. 

Looking back, it is obvious the Lord gave me the mental and emotional fortitude to get through those weeks successfully. One of the means He used was my husband who has an optimistic yet grounded personality. Another of the means He used was my supportive co-workers. I was able to hand off my work to them on Thursday to get to Birmingham that night. 

And another means he used was the prayer warriors.

We started writing in a book the name of every person who said they were praying for Hollis. Family and their friends. Our close friends and their families and friends. Our church family. College friends. Friends from high school. People I hardly know anymore. People I’ve never met. 

507 individual names. 

That doesn’t count the entire church bodies and prayer groups and ministries praying for her. I don’t have all their names, but I estimate another 500 people. That’s 1,000 people in all.

If you are one in that list–thank you. It was comforting to hear from each of you. More importantly, God heard you. I learned that the cliche can be genuine: we felt your prayers. And He answered.

On Friday, Hollis had a pre-op appointment. She surpassed the 10lb checkpoint, which was their goal for surgery stability. But that also put things in perspective: a 5-month-old weighing the same as a 6-week-old.

We had asked God many times to close her VSD without surgery. He said no. He was going to heal her in a way we wouldn’t have chosen on Monday morning.

Saturday and Sunday were heavy days. We noticed every hour. Closer to Monday. Closer.

And then, I turned 26. Monday had come. 


Click here for part 2.

Maggie

---

Some verses of hope:
“The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.” Psalm 23:1-2
“But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the LORD and He answered me from His holy hill.” Psalm 3:3-4
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Verses referenced:
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16
“The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” Acts 17:24-25
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13